Hermit the Hall

Over the last week I've become increasingly antisocial. Several of my friends have called me to check up on things and see how I'm doing. None of them have I called back. I don't have a particular desire to talk to people these days, especially two of my friends whom I don't really find conversations with them all that stimulating. I suppose that's what I'm after with interactions with people, positive stimulation. My increased prejudice with people is directly related to the books I'm reading; Atlas Shrugged and Philosophy: Who Needs It, both by Ayn Rand. Objectivism, Ayn Rand's philosophy, is tremendously stimulating to say the least. What's driven me to the level of antisocialness is an increased awareness of my own conciousness, my own ideas, my own mind and its inner workings. Objectivism ideas force you to face yourself and engage your mind constantly and continuously. I've found that a lot of my ideas, ones that differ from what many of my peers and others think, ideas or notions I took for instincts, are the beginnings of Objectivist ideas that I haven't explored in more detail. For instance, the idea of the tragedy of the commons, a common idea held in the field of ecology that a group of humans dependent on a limited resource will always exploit that resource until it is depleted, bothered me from the day I heard it. My thought was, if people were rational and forward thinking, characteristics in this case I think requires little mental effort, would realize that if one individual were to take more than their share then the resource would soon be depleted. My thought was not particularly profound or new to those I shared it with, but their response to it was 'well, people aren't that way, they are generally stupid and destructive'. This response coincides with the Christian idea that humanity is doomed to sin and must work hard to overcome the conditions of its soul set forth by Adam and Eve's original sin. What bothers me about both these responses is that there is no way for humans to overcome the negative potential within else, except through the dubious mercy of God as in the Christian example. It's as if humans do not have the capcity to avoid or combat the evils of our minds. I don't believe humans were born evil, it takes work to live up to the potential of the human mind and escape mental laziness which is at the root of most, if not all, depravity in humans. This is part of Rand's message in that humanity must use it's most powerful tool, reason, to overcome what we have allowed ourselves to become as a species; a species that is mentally sick and thus seeks to destroy itself in frustration and fear.

So how has this lead me to be antisocial? I hinted at it early when I said that I don't get much out of some of my interactions with friends. I've resolved to squash the laziness in me, the part of me that seeks to always be comfortable and relaxed, the part of me that seeks to turn off thinking and bathe itself in pleasure. Doing this requires much of my mental time; time that I have been wasting for the most part. It is during my mental relaxation time that I would normally call these people to contribute to my mental laziness. I didn't anticipate getting much out of the conversation, but it was okay because I wasn't really thinking anyway. I essentially don't have much time for that now, nor do I even have the desire to talk to people I don't find stimulating; it's a waste of time. Part of me feels bad for thinking this, but as I've come to realize these feelings of guilt are what enables the mental laziness of humanity to continue. Think about what would happen if people only had meaningful conversations with people and didn't bother with small talk and pointless banter. Better yet, ask yourself what is the point of small talk if that's all an interaction is composed of? I fail to see how conversations that don't stimulate your brain are a good use of time and apologizing for that is simply unhealthy. Chances are if I don't talk to a person I don't find them to be a good use of my time.