Love and Baseball

I had this thought in the shower, it started as a questions: If I kiss someone and it leads to making out and that leads to some nakedness, but I then decide to stop, what does that say about my judgment?

This question, like many of my thoughts, started out as a mental itch, a notion that was bothersome but lacked substance. The itch is usually something that seems logical, but the steps through such logic are unclear. The terminal idea to this question is, 'if I kiss someone I should have determined that I would sleep with this person before I kiss them'. The reason for this is the immediate answer to my original question. If I were to stop at second base then it means I don't trust my judgment. I've essentially failed to hit a homerun. I believe a person's actions should be deliberate and thought driven and that they represent a person's mental state and thinking, or lack thereof. I thought about the reasons why I would/have stopped an intimate encounter and they all are the result of clearly thinking followed by me or her saying 'this isn't a good idea', or some version of that. When I think about being sure enough I want to sleep with someone being the prerequisite for any form of physical intimacy it puts a different spin on my interactions with women and most importantly, engages more of my mind. I believe taking an all or nothing approach to physical intimacy is best because it's all or nothing when it comes to what I desire in a woman. Think about what this would mean for people, especially young people, if they were to think of things this way. It would probably mean that we wouldn't be getting as much action as we are now, but would that be a bad thing? Think of all the unwanted pregnancies, STDs, broken hearts, sexual assaults, confused feelings, arguments, and other unpleasantries that have resulted in people separating physical intimacy from their ideals. Think about what 'gettin some' for the sake of physical pleasure says about a person's mind, their self-esteem. Failed relationships should cause a person to hold themselves to a higher standard more so than anything, because a failed relationship is first a failure of judgment. In most cases a failure in judgment can be avoided if the person becomes more rigorously involved in their thinking processes, more in control of their emotions.

One of things I like about Atlas Shrugged is the depiction of love between two people. In this book a romantic relationship is a celebration of self between two equals. It's not one person plugging the holes in the other's personality. It's not a relationship based on mutual pity for each other's faults and shortcomings. And it's most certainly not a compromise of ideals or principles because there can be no such thing. People worthy of romantic relationships have committed to knowing themselves and hold this as the most important thing in their lives. They don't seek anything from someone else that they should demand of themselves as such an act is a plea for pity, which is an excuse for stagnation and the act of a parasite. Relationships should be a celebration of similar personal achievement and nothing more. The only thing a person should ask of another is that they be true to themselves; there can be no more certain path to knowing someone. It then becomes easy to identify why you love someone, because their person is not hidden behind insecurities. Lies generally stem from insecurities; I know because I used to lie about things I was insecure about. Watch out for the things you request from others you're in a relationship with. Why do I crave attention from this person? Why do I claim to need affection from him/her? Why do I need to talk to this person everyday regardless if I have something to say? Why am I jealous of every person that talks to my boy/girlfriend? Am I hoping that this person will change eventually? Do I feel self-conscious around this person? And the list goes on.

A thought occured to me when I was listening to a Jill Scott song earlier today. It seems that many of us hold finding our true love as one of, if not, the most rewarding experiences in life. We spend so much time and energy finding the right person for us, yet so many of us get it wrong, so very many of us. Could it be that we are going about it the wrong way? Could it be that the only true love we can be sure of is the very person we neglect during our search? I believe your own person is your first and best true love. It's the person you show your love for by constantly improving and challenging and stimulating to grow. The time one spends looking for someone to compliment them is time spent away from personally growth and improvement, which sells your hopefull sweat heart short. Living up to ones standards is the only currency of exchange in relationships. A person worried about finding someone is someone not completely comfortable with themselves. This level of self comfort is difficult to achieve, but avoiding the task only serves to cheapen any relationship a person has. Ask yourself if you would rather spend your life living up to your standards and growing to your full capacity and end up alone, or would you sacrifice even a fraction of personal growth for the company of someone else in life? Answering yes to the latter will almost certainly lead to a life of misery will answering yes to the former will only leave the slightly bitter taste of dissappointment in not finding an equal.

I'm only interested in hitting a homerun. They say it's one of the hardest things for a human to do. In baseball the difficulty comes from proper timing, power, pitch recognition, bat speed, and accuracy. In life the difficulty comes from the process of knowing one's self. Batter up!