One year since

January 19, 2007 was the day my sister died. I remember being woken up at some time past midnight by my father. He told me that my sister was gone and that he would talk to me tomorrow. I don't think I've ever heard my dad cry the way he did as he got off the phone with me. I think I took some time to cry before calling Tony and giving him the news. He was shocked, which surprised me. We talked for a little while about the visit I had planned to make that very next day. We had planned to go to the NAIAS in Detroit that weekend. I ended up going, which was a very good decision I think. It was good to be around my friend during that time.

During the next couple of days I had a couple of mild crying spells, but was pretty composed for the most part. The funeral was on the 27th in Dade City, FL. At the wake I had my biggest cry, although it wasn't until we were leaving that things really hit me. That I wouldn't be able to talk to my sister again and that she was gone. My dad, who never cried after that phone call, gave me a hug as I sobbed. The funeral was nice. My step uncle, a very charismatic and, I think, good person, was the master of ceremonies. There were a lot of sad people as my sister was the type of person everyone in the family loved. Terrell, my sister's husband, was composed during the funeral, but not so composed when my sister was buried. He and my step sister, Elvera, cried in each others arms for a good ten minutes after my sister was in the ground. It was sad, very sad. My nephews cried, but I was surprised at how well they handled things. I was very proud of them and thought that they are going to be my kind of people.

Since my sister's passing my brother-in-law hasn't handled things the way most of us in the family would want. He's terrible at keeping in touch and doesn't answer the phone. He's had two relationships since my sister's death; the latest one, which is going on now, involves the woman staying at the house. Of course my father is particularly upset, but I've tried to lobby for Terrell. He never struck me as the type of person who does so well by himself, and I believe my sister was his rock. I imagine she took care of many of the day to day things, as most women who have families do. More so than anything, I believe Terrell is tremendously sad and probably depressed. Even though my sister was in a vegetative state after suffering a seizure he still had hope that she would make a full recovery. My adviser made the comment that Terrell probably feels abandoned, and I think that's very possible. I'm not mad at Terrell, mainly because I think I understand him. I do wish he were a little more communicative, but people grieve differently. I'm concerned about the boys, my sister's sons and will write them letters. I'm not sure what I'm going to say yet. I probably won't ever be sure though, I wasn't sure what I was going to write when I sat down to do this blog.

Time has definitely moved swiftly over this last year. A lot has happened since January 19, 2007. I miss my sister every time I think about her. She was most certainly one of my favorite people. I don't have any regrets about our relationship. I do sometimes wish she was here so I could talk to her in the way we used to. She will forever be missed, Alicia Hamm, my sis, my friend.