RSVP "Maybe"

Under the category of things I don't understand/things that I find slightly irksome are when people choose to RSVP as 'maybe'; as in maybe I'll come or maybe I won't. I have no issue with people being undecided about whether or not they will attend an event. My issue is with the idea that being undecided is a satisfactory and appropriate ANSWER to an invitation. Jim, "hey Chris, I'm having a party next weekend, if you're not free that evening do you want to stop by?" Chris, "I don't know Jim, maybe". What do you say to that? Better yet, what do you think after getting a response like that? In conversation the 'maybe' is usually followed by 'I'll have to check my schedule' or 'I'll have to ask my significant other' or 'I've got "X" event that may or may not conflict with your party' or whatever. This, however, is not the case when RSVPing to online events. Some people do take the liberty of posting an explanation, but the reasons are usually lame. 'We'll see how much work I get done beforehand' or 'I'll try to make it, but...blah...blah...blah'.

Okay, try to pause and put aside the fact that I sound like a bitter looser with no friends who puts on events that no one comes to. I'm none of those things and most of the events I put on are fairly well attended.

The reason I, for the most, detest the 'maybe' response is because 'maybe' is usually just a euphemism for 'no'. Consider the 'maybe' response of 'we'll see how much work I get done'. Put down your shovel and stop moving the horse-shit. It's up to you to get said work done IF you want to come to the event. In most cases we know how much time our work will take, or we know how much time we want to spend doing it if it's going to take a really long time. In either case we should be able to gauge whether or not attending an event is likely or not given our work load. The farther off an event the more this response irks me. Yes, you could end up with more work that could prevent you from attending, but I would argue most of the time we have a pretty good idea of what our workload will be for the coming week or two; especially if we're students.

The flip side of this or any other 'maybe' explanation is if an event sounded interesting or worth while enough then it would be a lot easier to gauge whether or not you had time for it. If I said to you your favorite music artist was coming to town next week you would probably adjust your schedule to make time for the concert. I agree, most events are not as exciting as say, seeing Jill Scott in concert, but that's exactly my point. If something sounds marginally interesting then maybe you don't want to say 'no' because part of you wants to go...kinda sorta. I get those feelings, I just find it a lame answer. Such feelings happen to most of us on a regular basis, but in the end we're either going to go, or we're not going to go, and most of the time when we say 'maybe' we end up not going.

So what's my point? Let's be less patronizing and simply say 'no' when we want to say 'maybe'. If you're not sure at the moment of whether or not you want to attend, take some time to forget, remind yourself later, and then if you still feel the same way you're probably not that interested in going so just say/click/text 'not going to make it'. Most importantly, let's stop offering up lame excuses that obviously implicate our lack of excitement for an event. Most people's feelings aren't going to be hurt if you decline to come, but trying to dodge responsibility for the decision to come insults peoples' intelligence (or at least it insults mine). Very few people are going to shun you for saying no to an event. If they do they're either pretty shallow folks, or they put on lame events. Either way there's good reason to stop being in the same place they are.

I get it. We don't want to hurt each other's feelings and by saying 'maybe' at least we're not saying 'no', and maybe we'll decide later to attend. Maybe we'll speed through our work and finish way ahead of time, or maybe we'll find an extra $10 in the sofa and be able to come, or maybe the initial desire to attend an event that doesn't sound that interesting will suddenly leave and we'll be enthused enough to come out. Maybe. But most likely that's bullshit and even more likely we know it's bullshit we just don't want the other person to know that we're not coming. In that scenario at least one, and probably two, people are being lied to. Such attitudes towards how we communicate with each other is detrimental in my opinion. And that's my broader point. Let's stop lying to each other and lying to ourselves. We're big boys and big girls now. There's nothing wrong with taking our time to decide, there's nothing wrong with having too much work to do, there's nothing wrong with having something more interesting to do, and there's nothing wrong with simply not wanting to do something that doesn't seem that interesting.

Let's stop the maybes people. In the words of master Yoda, " do or do not, there is no try". Yes or no people, there is no maybe.