The 'I feel' epidemic

There is something very troubling about the way people speak these days. I'm not talking about foul language, or improper grammar. I'm not talking about racism, sexism, classism, or any other kind of 'ism'. I'm talking about the reference people use when talking about what they think; their feelings. Listen closely to any given discussion in this country, where ideas are being sincerely discussed, and you'll hear one of the most disturbing phrases known to man; 'I feel like... (insert thought here)'.

What's the big deal you ask? Feelings are valid, right? Everybody has them, everyone uses them, everybody is entitled to them, and no one can prevent them from occurring. All true statements, but those statements do not validate substituting feelings for thoughts. Any given two year old has feelings. What makes adults adults is the fact that we are able to manage our feelings in order to properly communicate and interact with others. One cannot argue with feelings, one cannot debate feelings, one cannot effectively discuss the validity of feelings the way one can discuss the validity of thoughts.

I think the subconscious aim of using the phrase 'I feel like (blank)' is to avoid any earnest discussion of ideas. Try asking someone to explain what they feel (think) and observe what happens. In my experience people usually respond by saying, 'I don't know, I just do', whether it is in these many words or with their body language. Usually when I question people's feelings (thoughts and ideas) they become visually uncomfortable and proceed to do everything they can to end the conversation. This is disturbing because it is evidence that people are actively attempting to invalidate their minds.

Humans, in order to communicate effectively with other humans, must have some common currency of exchange recognized by those they are communicating with. This currency is logic and reason. No one would be able to understand each other if we didn't share a universal sense making protocol. It's quite unbelievable the number people I talk to that don't recognize this fact. We would not be able to determine what is correct or what is false. Yes, some ideas are not about determining who is right and who is wrong (far fewer ideas, however, than most would claim), but the process by which we understand any idea, including ones where we cannot determine who is right and who is wrong, involves logic and reason. You may feel anything you want, but if you are going to discuss it with anyone besides yourself you must use the currency of logic if you wish to be understood.

Feelings, in most cases, make terrible currency for thought exchange. They constantly change, they vary in intensity, they are primarily subjective and person specific, they are valid simply because they exist, and they are often times difficult (or impossible) to understand (as is often the case when dealing with women) (yeah, I said it!). How can people hope to effectively communicate using such a poor medium? I think that's the point, they don't wish to communicate effectively. It's been my experience that most people don't want to be asked to explain their ideas. Most people don't want you to ask them why they've just said what they've said. Most people want to talk and be understood, and if they aren't understood then they'd rather you pretend like you understood and shut the hell up with any questions.

Am I splitting hairs? No, I don't THINK I am. Why? Because saying 'I feel like what I've said makes sense' is not the same as saying 'I think that what I've said makes sense'. One statement is accurate and the other is complete garbage. The idea that what I've said makes sense is not a product of my feelings; it's a product of my mind. I could not have written this blog when I was twelve; it has taken thirteen years for me to develop my mind to point where I can write something like this. This blog entry is a glimpse of my mind at work, as is every statement I make for others to hear. This is the case for every human being on this planet, regardless of age, ethnicity, gender, or whatever. Is this an intimidating notion? It certainly can be, especially to those who are just beginning to use their mind instead of their feelings (i.e. children). Yet many of us never mature past this point to overcome the discomfort of being judged by what we say. We even go to such lengths to deny the discomfort of explaining our ideas that we've declared it wrong and immoral to be judgmental. We avoid discussions by claiming a person can be certain of nothing and that words are nothing but relative abstractions or simply sounds. We've even begun substituting the word 'think' with the word 'feel' in an attempt to further distance ourselves from showing each other what's in our minds.

It's no wonder, as people continue to avoid the question 'why?', they have begun to substitute thoughts with feelings. Do not make the mistake of calling your thoughts feelings. Take the time to think why you think what you think. Examine why you feel what you feel and transforms your feelings to thoughts. Stand on the product of you mind and not the ever changing, unpredictable, immediate, and often volatile ground of your feelings. Seek to exchange ideas with the most consistent and valid currency humans have logic and reason. Yes, thoughts require work to develop, but development is what life is about. Take responsibility for your mind, graduate beyond merely feeling to actually thinking. And most importantly, do not succumb to the fear of being judged by your thoughts and ideas by calling them feelings; you will never grow up if you do.